How I secretly Chose My Fiancée’s Engagement Ring

Buying an engagement ring is one of those life moments nobody really prepares you for. I thought it would be simple, walk into a shop, point at something shiny, job done. Spoiler: it’s not that simple.

Between budgets, styles, ring sizes, and avoiding the cliché mistakes, I had a lot to figure out. Here’s my story of buying "The Ring", along with some tips that might save you a headache when it’s your turn.

Disclaimer: I wanted my proposal to be a complete surprise, so I did this in secret, if you and your partner want to shop for a ring together, it may be easier than my experience!

The Decision

I still remember sitting in the Lagan Valley Island theatre in June 2023, we were filming a dancing schools anniversary show and this was the last night of filming. I'd been thinking about proposing for a while and something just clicked in me that night.

It was literally just a moment of realisation in my own head, everything just made sense, this was the year I was going to do it. And as much as I wish it was some divine realisation of my love for Francine that went racing through my head or something else that sounds romantic, in reality the voice in my head sounded like this:

"Sure here, it's about time I suppose"

Calling in reinforcements

So how was I going to find this magical perfect ring all on my own? Easy - I didn't do it on my own.

I text one of Francine's best friends that night telling her the craic, I hadn't a clue where to start. What sort of ring do I get? What metal? What Diamond? Where do I buy it? What size do I get? and on and on.

Her friend reassured my she'd go undercover and try to get some information, she was getting married herself so it was easy to bring up the topic of rings and weddings anyway.

I'll admit this does make me look bad, I’d bought her jewellery before, but not the kind of thing that gave me any clue about what ring she’d actually want. Francine isn't one for wearing jewellery everyday for one, and most importantly I simply hadn't listened when she was talking about rings that she liked. So I was banking heavily on her friend telling me what to go for.

Tip: Don’t assume you already know your partner’s style. Pay attention early or get someone close to help.

Budget reality check

After a bit of back and forward, I had a solid idea to search for. In terms of budget, again I was walking in blind.

I had heard about the three month wages rule which provided me with a starting point, but this wasn't realistic for me, I hadn't been saving for it, so I was starting from nothing. I figured out a budget that would work for me, set it aside and used that as my guide for shopping.

I'll not mention what the actual cost was here (Francine doesn't even know herself), but rest assured for anyone out there worried about any money rule, I didn't use it.

Tip: Forget outdated rules. Choose a budget that makes sense for your finances.

Learning the basics

I knew Francine wasn't a fan of traditional rings, so the usual big diamond ring was out of the question. I knew myself she liked black diamonds, but that was about it. After window shopping a few local ring shops, I tried Austen & Blake up in Belfast. They had black diamond rings on their website so they were bound to sort me out.

In I walked one damp Sunday morning, and met Josh, an absolute legend in engagement ring advice. I learned about the 4 C's (cut, colour, carat, clarity), different metals, what carat of gold / white gold to go for and the different shapes of diamonds. I didn't know the shape of a diamond actually mattered all that much - turns out it did.

We talked it out and settled on a particular black diamond ring, but there was a catch. Black diamonds are incredibly fragile, given the shape of diamond I wanted and our line of work it was very likely to break through general wear and tear. Back to the drawing board then.

Tip: Read up on the 4Cs, but trust your jeweller to explain what really matters for your situation. Visit a shop if you can to see rings in person.

Finding "The One"

I was starting to panic at this stage, time was closing in on the date I chose to propose and I was starting to think I wouldn't have anything to do it with. While writing this I went back to my emails with Josh to jog my memory. We had 45 emails back and forth, trying to see what we could do to get the ring sorted.

I didn't want to just settle on a traditional ring, you only do this once and I wanted to make sure it was perfect for her. Then it came to me, like a slap in the face, I remembered Francine scrolling through TikTok one night a year before and coming across a ring she liked, she showed me and said if I was ever to do it, I had to use that ring.

It had the black diamond, was the right metal, had wee diamonds around it, Perfection. I scrolled through my screenshots and sure enough I had looked it up and saved it for future reference. Unreal.

I went back to Josh and showed him the ring to see if there was any chance they could recreate it from the photos, he could. We replaced the black diamond with a black sapphire, approved a CAD drawing of it and threw down a deposit. No going back now.

Tip: Don't panic, don't be afraid to ask for something a bit out there.

The final render of the ring in question.

Ring size drama

Another spanner in the works, Josh had asked me what size Francine was at the start of the whole process and I had completely forgot to get it before I ordered the ring. Production couldn't start without it, so brainwave - I brought in a Pandora ring I had bought Francine years before, crisis averted I thought.

"What hand does she wear this on, and what finger?"

F**k.

I didn't know this - but the size difference between fingers, and left/right hands is important. The size of the sample ring gave me a ballpark size, but this ring was being made custom and I was worried if it was the wrong size it couldn't be resized.

Tip: Using a ring they already own can be helpful - but it's not exact.

More reinforcements

The friend I used to suss out what style of ring she liked had no idea either, and I didn't want to raise any more suspicions by pushing Francine to find out. So I recruited my second helper; another friend who was also engaged.

I can't remember the specifics now, but the plan boiled down to getting the girls to all try on her ring one night, so that it wouldn't look suspicious. Genius. She wouldn't have a clue.

The girls tried the ring on, Francine didn't.

Right...back to Josh.

We settled on a middle of the road size, he reassured me it could be resized a bit without affecting it too much.

Tip: If in doubt, call for backup - everyone is there to help.

Collection day

A few weeks passed and I got the call from Josh, the ring was in store. So I snuck away on the 261 bus to Belfast. That was it, after all the worrying, stressing, second guessing and sneaking around it was all worth it. I finally had it in my hand. The ring.

Tip: Trust your gut. If you’ve put thought into it, chances are it’s perfect.

I never took a picture of the ring once I got it - but here's the video Josh sent me.

Final thoughts

Buying an engagement ring was easily the most nerve-wracking shopping trip of my life, but also the most rewarding. If you’re about to start the journey - good luck. Take your time, don't be afraid to ask for help, and remember it's not about the price tag, it's about finding the ring that feels right for both of you.